Monthly Archives: March 2014

21Mar/14

What to do in an Emergency!

overwhelmed

This morning while preparing a workbook for a client, I came across an old worksheet that I’d created for another client.  I was feeling messy, disorganised and overwhelmed and the questions on the worksheet hit me square in the face.  A little voice said ‘This is what you need – right now!‘  So I delayed work and took ten minutes to do the worksheet. Here are my answers.

Q1: Describe in one sentence what is making you feel overwhelmed.

I feel overwhelmed because I feel I have so much stuff to do but am not organised so don’t know what to do.

Q2:  When you are feeling overwhelmed what thoughts keep running through your mind? Identify words, phrases, ‘shoulds’ & ‘whys’ that you keep repeating to yourself.  What do you keep saying over and over to yourself when you feel overwhelmed? Write these down.

It’s all such a mess.

I’m so disorganised.

I’m wasting time and time is so precious.

What can I do?

What should I do?

I can’t cope with all the clutter.

I’m so useless.

Here I am again!

I’ll never have a successful  business if I don’t sort this out.

I’ll never sort this out!

Q3: Take each one of these thoughts and rephrase it in a more positive, accepting, compassionate way.  This will be difficult, and you will probably not want to do this.  Step over this resistance, and force yourself to do it. Tell your gremlins, or your inner critic to back off.  If you are still fighting it, just do one.  But make sure it is your most dominant thought in times of overwhelm. [I just did two combined into one]

Overwhelmed thought: ‘It’s all such a mess, I’m so disorganised.’

Rephrased thought: ‘ I’m feeling disorganised and overwhelmed with the mess around me and my To Do list – and that’s OK. It’s only natural to have times every now and then when things get chaotic.  Instead of running around like a crazy thing in a panic, I can remember to breathe.  I can notice the spring flowers and the blue sky, the bright sunlight streaming through my office window and the hum of a distant lawnmower.  I can let peace and gratitude into my heart in this moment. I can nourish my soul and use my intuition to take a first small step . Compassion and action will help me. When I feel stronger I can work out how to be and feel more organised and gain more daily clarity. For the moment I am feeling calmer and happier – and that’s OK too.

Q4:  Finally, look at your rephrased, kind and positive thoughts and try and pull them together into one general statement that you can use in times of stress, anxiety and overwhelm.  You can still use all the rephrased thoughts aswell but it is useful to have one ‘motto’ which you find easy to remember when you need it most.  Below are a couple of examples:

I don’t want to be perfect.                                          I am doing a good job, keep going.

Take your time and prioritise.                                  Take a deep breathe and be kind to yourself.

My motto for today: Take a deep breath, notice the moment, and the world around you and be kind to yourself. You don’t always need to be in control….let it go….

Strangely this worked wonders.  It took the pressure off and I started thinking and feeling ‘Oh, it’s ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes. That’s alright then. Maybe I can just start with making some notes on a new blog post.’

When we do feel low, anxious, stressed or overwhelmed we often get stuck in our negative thoughts which makes the situation worse.  Accepting the situation for what it is – not what it could lead to and what it means about us – and distancing ourselves from it allows the judgements and the pressure to dissolve.  Not completely perhaps, but reducing it enough for us to take care of ourselves and get back on track.

emergency

16Mar/14
20140316-114418.jpg

Pay Yourself First

It’s Sunday and my favourite treat is a lazy morning reading in bed before breakfast. My husband and our youngest son go off to rugby training around 9am so the freedom of a few hours to ‘get things done’ mixed with the spring temperature and nourishing sunshine is inspiring me to start on some long neglected household chores, while my eldest two children do their homework.

As usual my head is buzzing with all the things I could do which would make me feel so much better – more organised and in control and hence lighter, more confident and happier. I could crack on with ironing the pile of school uniform. I could sort out our bulging ‘bits and bobs’ drawer, or do a spring clean of my wardrobe. I could cook healthy snack for the week, or do a bit of gardening.

But something stops me. I have a question for myself. Is it time to pay myself first?

My latest book is about creativity, by Dr Eric Maisel and quite honestly it has led to a huge shift in my thinking about myself, my own creativity, my bouts of depression and ultimately my happiness. He believes that creative people – whether they are artists, sculptors, musicians, scientists, chefs, writers or indeed anyone who has an urge to create things and be innovative – have a stronger need to make meaning in their lives. When this need is not met, depression all too easily creeps in. For me this explains so much about what I’ve struggled with during my life.

It’s taken 41 years for me to realise I am creative. Duh!

It’s taken 41 years and a lot of heartache for me to realise that my constant striving to create a successful career/coaching business is not the result of me needing to ‘prove’ myself to others but a powerful need to create a meaningful life and make a difference.

It’s taken me 12 years to realise that my dreams of creating a happy healthy family are not just an element of my perfectionist behaviour but also an innermost urge to do goings my way, to create a new (maybe better?) way of bringing up a family. Of creating compassionate, courageous, emotionally intelligent children who are more confident and happy than I have been. It’s a sign of my creative side that I want to be rebellious and innovative and not just accept that just because this is how everyone else does it, that I should too.

Dr Maisel advises that if you are a creative person like me, and I’m sure like many of you reading this, you should get your creativity done first. Do it first thing, when you get up. Pay yourself first. Put your oxygen mask on first, in order to help others.

So this morning I paid myself first. I’d been thinking of how to get my children, especially my older two to raise their expectations of what a Sunday is for. After homework, their goal seems to be centred around how many hours they can link on Minecraft or Clash of Clans on their iPods. During my peaceful breakfast sitting outside in the sun, listening to the birds I created what my daughter Jasmine labelled as a ‘habit planning goal tool’. (Photo)

I then resisted the strong urge to get on and get stuff done and sat down to write this. I haven’t written much on my blogs over the last year, and it feels good. Very meaningful to me. And hopefully insightful for you. Thank you for reading.

20140316-103841.jpg